For Whom the Control Tolls
Let's admit it...
We've all wanted approval at some time in our lives.
We want to be liked. We want to be loved. Even in writing this post, there's a part of me that wants you to think I'm a nice guy, and that I'm a good writer.
I'm seeking your approval.
And although wanting any form of approval is restricting, it's still a relatively normal feeling...
... In moderation.
But how many times have you seen people (not you, of course!) that have really wanted a little too much approval? Those individuals for whom approval controls them?
... The overly-eager bar-hawk that drools over the girl - and never impresses.
... The people pleaser that burns out, working for everyone - and eventually explodes.
... The weak-partner who refuses to have a personality - but exists merely to please the spouse.
Now here's the real paradox...
Wanting approval doesn't get you approval. Instead, wanting approval just makes you appear desperate, and loses you respect.
By letting go of wanting approval however, you ironically end up receiving MORE of it - and therefore become much more comfortable living in your own personality.
It's a push for some people. But if you try it, you might discover it's magic.
However, that's not the end.
Here's the true secret to freedom...
Can you let go of wanting your OWN approval?
Completely!
Sounds interesting, eh?
Can you do something without wanting your own approval for it?
This could be the last step toward freedom you need.
Remember, letting go of wanting approval doesn't mean being disrespectful, or not caring for the feelings of others. Rather, it just means that you let go of the "clingy" behaviour that "desperately wanting something" can bring. It means standing up for what you believe, and saying what you think - without worrying how others will judge you.
And I'm sure that's something YOU could do easily.
Give it a go - and have yourself a great day :)
Labels: inspiration, self-development
by Karl
2:58 AM
5 Comments:
Absolutely true! I found the less I worried about whether others like me, the more they like me!
By
Owen Johnson, at
6:15 PM
It all boils down to the want, desire, and need for love and acceptance, a lot of times when people feel neglected, alone, or dis involved, the reach for this, and without it some times go into a downward spiral of despair and depression. The key to overcoming this is realization, soul searching within and finding that wholeness of inner acceptance and love for ones inner most being and inner child. Give your inner child a hug through meditative visualization, it is a tremendous help, tell that child everything is going to be ok. Love is in the air, reach out and grab it. Abracadabra!!!
Sat Nam,
Piper
By
♥Piper♥, at
2:34 AM
Great commentary everybody. Everybody needs an inspiration in the form of a coach, or multiple coaches. By "coach" I mean somebody that you trust and are comfortable with that will give the positive and constructive feedback. Self-development comes through rewiring your brain to accomplish things that force you to "change" or exit your comfort zone.... www.readtheanswer.com/index.php?RTA=web2
By
Anonymous, at
7:37 PM
I remind myself on a daily basis that what anybody thinks of me is not my business. And at the same time I curb my addiction to judging others by reminding myself that what I think of others is not their business, thus I can spare myself the pain of judging harshly. :)
Karl, the idea that I could let go of seeking my own approval links closely to telling the inner critic to shut up. I like that very much.
Thank you for a great post.
Blissings
Ulrike
from Namibia - somewhere in Africa
By
Ulrike Haupt, at
7:48 AM
People are motivated by two simple things: pain and pleasure. Acceptance, or lack there of, can create pain or pleasure, depending upon what side of the fence you are on. It makes sense that many people are continually trying to gain acceptance. What many people don't understand is that you can break the chains of a cultural, social, and personal pre-conditioned mentality. You do this through neural reconditioning. See what I mean here.. some good tips... www.readtheanswer.com/index.php?RTA=web2
By
TheLaw26, at
12:08 AM
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